True feelings
by CLAMP-yuuko
Summary: KuroxFay drabbles and oneshots. Angst, crack and fluff. I hope you enjoy! This time: To become empty. Drabble. Angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.**

**Pairing: KuroxFay**

**Spoilers: Chapitre 119 and up.**

XX

_The love for sushi_

His problems had started long ago, from the very beginning of their travel. He had started to worry there was no solution; that he might just have to live with it. Then he had finally found it. Now it was standing there in front of him on the table. He smirked and picked it up. He would have never thought he would feel such appreciation for sushi before. But now that he had learned the true value of the piece of raw fish; for him it had become holy.

"Kuuuuro-taaaan!" Fay jumped into the room smiling. "Want a kiss?"

"Behold!" Kurogane held the sushi in front of Fay, an evil smirk spreading across his face. It took a second before Fay's nose started twitching.

"Ewwy! It smells sourrr!" Fay swayed and moved away with unsteady steps.

"Why are you holding a piece of sushi like that Kurogane-san?" Sakura had entered the room and looked confused at the ninja.

"To keep that fool of a mage away!"

XX

**A/N: My first drabble! Yaay! I don't like the ending though. Oh, well. Thought I should start writing drabbles as well as long stories to satisfy my need to write KuroxFay stuff when I have little time or is just too lazy to write longer stuff. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and please review! Thanks ria-chan for betaing!**


	2. Chapter 2

_The love for sushi_

**Part 2**

XX

"Look what Sakura gave me!" Fay walked with confident steps into the room. The ninja didn't look but reached over and got hold of the piece of sushi prepared on the table for the mage's return.

"That thing won't work on me anymore!" Fay smiled and when he noticed that the surprised face of the ninja was in fact looking at him he pointed victoriously at his nose witch was closed using a clothes-pin. With an evil smirk on his face, the mage moved closer to the ninja hiding something behind his back. "You know, clothes-pins can be used for so much more than keeping the horrible smell of sushi out of my nose."

"Get away from me you moron," Kurogane got up from his chair and took a couple of retreating steps, one too many actually caused him to end up tripping and falling backwards onto the coach in the back of the room. Fay moved closer like an animal cornering his pray.

"Kuro-tan has been so naughty!" Fay grinned and when he was close enough Fay jumped and landed on top of the ninja. Before Kurogane could do anything about it, Fay got a bunch of clothes-pins out from behind his back and fastened them in Kurogane's clothes. He made his way around the ninja's shirt and moved on to his pants. Soon the entire ninja was stuck to the coach by clothes-pins. "Don't move," Fay whispered and started kissing Kurogane's neck tenderly.

"What the hell do you think your doing?" Kurogane growled and felt Fay's soft lips moving over his skin, covering him with passionate kisses that made him longing for more.

"Kissing you," Fay whispered. Kurogane didn't move knowing that he and the mage knew that the force of the clothes-pins was not what was holding him down but something else far stronger.

XX

**A/N: Thanks for the idea Musa Rox! I think I will write at least 3 drabbles before I update this story. I hope you look forward to them. And please review! Thanks ria-chan for betaing!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Laundry Day_

XX

If someone had told him this back in Nihon, he would have laughed it of like complete nonsense. Now that he stood there with a basket in his hands filled with laundry, it didn't surprise him at all. His life had in fact been very out of the ordinary since that day in the rain. Since the day he first had met him…

He looked suspiciously at what he had been told was a washing machine. He opened the lid, peeked down, and decided that he would put the clothes inside and give it a try. He lifted a white sweater up from the basket, decided it was Sakura's, and quickly threw it inside the machine. The next thing he pulled out of the basket were black pants that he had seen way too many times before. He threw them in as well. What he picked up next made him blush a dark shade of red. The idea of washing Sakura's clothes should have been the most embarrassing about the whole washing gig. Sadly it wasn't. The fact that he blushed a deep shade of red when he took out a black pair of panties scared him beyond belief. The fact that he knew who those panties belonged too made it all the more scarier.

**A/N: Thanks ria-chan for betaing!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Coldness_

**Spoilers for Chaptire 136**

XX

The blond strands of hair slithered through his fingers. It had the texture of silk and he enjoyed every time he got the chance to hold it.

"You've let it grow for a long time now without cutting it." The ninja pulled the brush carefully through the mop of hair.

"Yeah." Fay's voice cut through the room as knife, stabbing Kurogane in the process.

"Why?" He was careful not to hurt the mage so he brushed the hair as gently as possible. Fay sat with his back towards him on a chair, both of them avoiding each other's gaze.

"I don't know." Fay's voice sent chills of pain through the ninja. "You don't need to brush my hair."

"Your hands are hurt. If you don't want to go around like a scarecrow you let me brush it," Kurogane was finished brushing a long time ago but still he continued, soft silk against his hands in each movement of the brush.

"I guess." Fay's tone of voice said end of discussion. 'I guess I have reached the limit of words I can get out of Fay these days...' Kurogane heart cringed in pain, his eyes showed way too much, it didn't matter anymore.

Kurogane reached for something to tie the hair together with when Fay suddenly got up. He didn't speak nor look at the ninja. He left the room leaving Kurogane alone with his pain.

**A/N: Thanks ria-chan for betaing!**


	5. Chapter 5

Fay's wish

Fay watched as the milk mixed itself with the dark chocolate. It was a swirl of white and brown for a while, two opposites, both tasting good on their own but heavenly together. Soon the two substances became one, one mixture of two different things that could never be separated again.

"I wish…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Contains spoilers for chapitre 119 and up.**

Dreamer

_Maybe you are just a dream_

_A mere thought in my mind_

_If that is the case_

_I want to sleep forever…_

Kurogane watched as the mage woke up. The second Fay opened his eye, the moment his dream ended and reality crept into his consciousness, just then, Kurogane was able to see. To see what he was not intended to see. Fay closed his eye and when it opened again, it showed nothing. Nothing but mere lies and untruthfulness. Kurogane turned away.

"You're up late, hurry and get dressed," Kurogane's words hard.

"Why do you look at me like that? Every time I wake up?" Fay looked at the ninja who was standing with his back towards him. He knew the answer but he wanted the ninja to say it nonetheless.

"I know. I'll stop. There is nothing but lies in you anyways," Kurogane looked down towards the floor for a moment, then with fast steps he left the room, feeling the mage's gaze on his back as he left. He shivered.

Fay rested his head back towards his pillow once more. He closed his eye, and tried to return to the place he just had been.

'I hate to wake up from my dream

'cause when I do

Nothing is as I want it to be…'


	7. Chapter 7

Flowers never lie

"Loves me, loves me not. Loves me, love me not. Loves me! Yaaay!" Fay leaned backwards; a flower without its leafs in his hand.

"What the hells does that mean?" a gruff voice said from right beside the mage.

"It means you love me!" Fay grinned and attempted to hug the ninja, he failed and landed head first on the green grass covering the hill they currently had camped at.

"Stop the freaking nonsense," Kurogane stayed at a safe distance from the smiling mage, watching closely to detect any future hugging attempts.

"It's not nonsense! It's all true! The flower said so!"

"Shut up," Kurogane turned to walk away the sun shining in his face.

"Although flowers never lie, I would like to hear it from you…," Fay smiled warmly.

"I said shut up!"

"I'll just stick with my flowers then," Fay looked down pouting.

"Asshole," Kurogane looked at the mage, he looked so sad and alone. Something made his feet glued to the ground his eyes seeking for something covered by blond locks.

"You're lucky Kuro-mi, that you don't need flowers!

"Why's that?"

"'Cause I tell you all the time Kuro-rin!" Fay looked at the ninja smiling. "Kuro-mi, Kuro-pon, Kuro-mi, Kuro-tan, Kuro-wan…"

"Shut up!" Kurogane felt his cheeks heating up so he turned around; his back towards the mage.

"Yaaay! Kuro-tan blushes!" Fay grinned.

"I'm not!" Kurogane started walking away, his face burning, Fay's voice chanting from behind.

"Loves me, loves me not, loves me…"


	8. Chapter 8

-1Thief

Kurogane slipped off his clothes slowly. After practicing with Syaoran for the whole day he sincerely looked forward to have hot water relax his tired muscles. He stepped into the shower and was about to turn the shower one when someone knocked on the bathroom door.

"Kuro-tan? Are you there?" Fay's voice sounded from outside. 'What the hell does he think he is doing?' Kurogane thought, walking out of the shower with fierce steps. 'Asshole'.

"I'm in the shower! You have to wait until I'm done," Kurogane yelled his voice angry.

"But Kuro-tan!" Fay said in a pouting voice. "I forgot my clothes inside!"

"You did what?" Kurogane looked around the room, and sure, there it was. A bundle of black clothes was lying in the corner of the bathroom.

"I forgot them and now I'm all cold…," Fay voice was dripping with sadness. 'That stupid mage!' Kurogane decided he would beat the hell out of the mage later, but first he had to think of a way out of this without having to expose some part of him he didn't want to.

"I'll go get dressed, then I'm giving you your clothes."

"But Kuro-tan!" Fay's voice filled with a worry that spread fear in Kurogane's heart. "I think Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun just came home…," sure enough, seconds later the ninja could hear them entering the house.

"Fay-san? Kurogane-san? We are home," Sakura said her voice sweet as always.

"Welcome home!" Fay chirped happy. "Quick! You have to let me in!" Fay whispered. Kurogane could detect a strand of excitement in Fay's voice, an excitement that worried him beyond beliefs.

"No way in hell I am letting you in!" Kurogane started to worry he had no choice. His was panicking and so was the person on the other side of the door, or so it seemed.

"You have too," Fay was leaning against the door, whispering. "Or else Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun will see me like this!"

"What the hell do you mean with like this?" Kurogane was confused. Why was Fay so desperate of coming in?

"Kuro-sama…," Fay took a deep breath. "I'm naked."

"You are what?!" Kurogane jolted back from the door he too had been leaning against to hear Fay's whisper.

"You have to hurry!" Fay's voice filled with despair. "Let me in!" Kurogane eyes was wide open, his blood rushing through his veins. 'What to do. What to do' He realized that in the time he and Fay had been talking he could have put on some clothes. He cursed under his breath and then he reached for the doorknob.

"You have to close your eyes!" Kurogane hissed and slowly unlocked the door while turning the doorknob. 'This is no good' he thought as the door opened little by little. Suddenly Fay launched inside; a blur of blond all the ninja could see before falling backwards on the slippery floor. Something landed on top of him and when a great deal of bare skin covered his vision he quickly shut his eyes closed. 'How could this be happening?'

"Thank you so much Kuro-tan!" Fay smiled gently to the ninja who still had his eyes firmly shut.

"Fay-san? Kurogane-san? Where are you?" Syaoran asked from outside the bathroom.

"I'm in the bathroom!" Fay and Kurogane said in unison; Fay grinned. When it dawned on Kurogane what just happened, he was sure it was just a dream and an awful one at that. 'This can't possible get any worse.' Slowly Fay lifted himself of the ninja, looked at him a last time, then walked towards his pile of clothes and quickly dressed himself.

"You can open your eyes now Kuro-mi! I'm all dressed," Fay said in a warm voice. "I promise I won't look."

"Shut up!" Kurogane rose from the floor with great effort. The recent events had taken its toll on him in a form of temporary paralysis, somehow his feet and arms wouldn't obey him anymore.

"Do you need some help there?" Fay said and peeked over at the ninja.

"Hell I don't! And stop looking you bastard!"

"I'm not looking!" Fay closed his eyes smiling. Kurogane got dressed in a hurry his heart thumbing in his chest. His hand was shaking and he didn't know why. He tried to do the buttons of his shirt, but his fingers wouldn't let him. He felt helpless.

"Let me do it," Fay opened his eyes and walked towards the ninja, he ignored the other man's death glare and proceeded to start buttoning Kurogane's shirt with slender fingers. "There, all done," Fay's smile warm.

"Thanks…," Kurogane rushed out of the bathroom; his face burning leaving Fay alone in the bathroom. 'I will never be able to look that man in the eye again' he thought walking up the stairs towards his room. 'Or Syaoran and the princess either for that matter' Kurogane entered his room and lay down on the bed, his heart still throbbing inside his chest. He decided to go to bed. It didn't take long before his thought's were dreams and yet again Fay was there. In the bathroom with him. His face was burning and so was his heart inside of him. He felt nothing but warmth all through the night, his heart still beating wildly inside his chest.


	9. Chapter 9

**Contains spoilers for chapitre 119 and up.**

Fragile smiles

Kurogane knew how weak the wizard really was. How fragile. Just some words from his lips and the other man's wall would break down, leaving Fay in pieces, nothing but pain left in the remains. At least the pain was real.

"Don't you dare," Kurogane looked directly at the other man, his eyes as hard as steel.

"I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions," Fay smiled. "Kurogane doesn't need to make them for me."

"Too bad you only make bad ones then," Kurogane got up from the breakfast table in the hope that the mage would sit down and eat something; now that he was not there. With those words he left and again he did it. He made Fay drop his mask, his true face slipping through the broken facade.

Although Kurogane was right on many things when it came to Fay he was wrong about the most important. The significance of just who's lips the words that could reach through into the other man's heart belonged to, that meant the whole world. It was the difference between another smile, another defending comment to a real smile, that although hurt the most, brought a little light into the seemingly endless darkness, a light of hope burning fragile in the depth of Fay's heart.


	10. Chapter 10

-1Snow

"It looks just like Kuro-mi!" Fay beamed and bent down to pick up more snow. He crushed it in his warm hands and placed it on his creation. "Lookie Kuro-sama!"

"Shut up!" Kurogane growled and refused to look. He continued reading his manga from his chair sitting in the sun.

"But I made it for you!" Fay said in an enthusiastic voice filled with joy. "For you and you only."

"I don't care!" Kurogane pulled his manga farther up towards his face to avoid any glimpse of the mage or what he wanted him to look at whatsoever,

"But the sun will melt it…," Fay mumbled to himself looking at his creation with sad eyes. "It will melt…"

"Stop talking to yourself!" Kurogane yelled and sunk down in his chair. 'How irritating can that mage be!' he thought and tried to focus on the manga he was reading. Then he heard Fay walking in the snow. Although his steps was light and he barely sunk through the snow, his trained ninja ears heard him. He looked up and caught a glimpse of blond rushing by. He rose from his chair and caught his hand. "You're cold…"

"Oh, it's nothing," but Fay didn't pull away his hand and for a moment he could feel Kurogane's rough hands warmth running up his own. Fay smiled.

"How stupid do you get, you can't play in the snow bare handed," Kurogane tucked Fay's hand inside one of the mage's pockets and pushed him in the direction of the door. "Go inside and stop this nonsense."

Kurogane leaned looked at the magician as he entered the little cabin they had been renting for the past days. 'What a stupid man,' Kurogane looked around and found himself staring at something big glistening in the snow. It had two big ears, just like a dog, and a sword strapped around it's waist. 'He made a snowman out of me…,' Kurogane looked astonished at Fay creation. Although that was disturbing enough, giving his snowman self a kiss, wearing cat ears, was something that resembled no one other than Fay. His eyes sunk and met their intertwined tails. He jolted back. With quick steps he walked towards the cabin. He was going to teach the mage a thing or two about angering dogs.


	11. Chapter 11

**Spoiler: Spoilers for chapitre 119 and up.**

What went wrong

_Please hold me because I'm cold. Please wipe away my tears because I'm sad. Please hold my hand because I'm lonely. Would you please be here with me because I want you to be?_

Kurogane watched the other man sleep; his breath slow and rhythmic. Sometimes his hands would clenched the bed sheets, sometimes his breath faster than usual. The ninja had come to peace with the fact that he knew the mage's sleeping habits, the way he slept with his face down towards the pillow. He had come to peace with himself and the fact that the person he watched sleeping every day meant something special to him.

_Please be with me when all lights fade. Please be with me when that day comes. The day my fears become alive and the light of hope blow out leaving me in eternal darkness._

The fact that the man he loved the most wasn't talking to him the most painful thing of all.


	12. Chapter 12

-1As long as I can see the light

_As long as I can see the light_

_Although so far away_

_I will reach for you_

_At least in my dreams_

_Were I am happy…_

The sun was glinting down from the blue sky, Fay lying on his back in the moist grass, watching powder white clouds blow by. Somehow each white cotton dot reminded him of a certain person. Of all the shapes that was portrayed in the sky, he felt it reminded him of Kurogane. Small or big, round or long, everyone of them. And every time he studied one of those white dots, he felt his heart beat a little faster. The clouds moved fast, they traveled over the sky with great speed and soon Fay couldn't see them anymore. Some of the clouds however, merely disappeared, evaporating into thin air. At first they would be rich white, thick and firm as snow. But soon they would get thinner, more and more blue shining through the white, until they were no more. Fay was sure that if he could stretch up towards the sky, if his hands could touch one of the white cotton dots, he would try to catch it. But when his hands would close around the pure white, it would run through his fingers, slip away from his bare hands and he would be left alone, nothing but blue surrounding him, blue and nothing else of importance.


	13. Chapter 13

-1Farewell

He was about to leave. About to leave him and he could do nothing to stop it. And then, when he was gone, he would have nothing left but memories of good times to please his heart however much it would hurt for him to remember it; it would still be one of the greatest things left. Kurogane. The person that meant everything would be gone and he wouldn't be able to reach out for him. Never again. It was the last evening together. He would have thought that this day would never come, that there was an endless amount of feathers out there. When a long time had gone and they had managed to find more and more feathers he had started to wish that they hadn't. He had cursed himself for it but he couldn't deny the fact that he wanted them to fail. He wanted to be with them forever, looking for feathers, most of all with him. But now, they had won. They had won over all the dangers of the road and was finally ending their quest. Fay peeked over at Kurogane. He was sleeping, an empty bottle of alcohol in his hand. 'Why did he have to drink?' Although he had no plans on talking to him, that would be too painful, he still wanted the opportunity to do so. Or at least the hope for _him _to do so. Fay walked out of the room and went to sleep, the pain of tomorrow lingering in his heart.

"Ready to go?" Yuuko asked smiling friendly. Syaoran and Sakura nodded. Suddenly magic appeared around the two of them. They was used to it by now. It closed around them and they waved to the rest. They smiled and was happy. Fay felt sick.

"I guess this is goodbye then," Kurogane turned to Fay. The mage looked surprised at him. He didn't expect him to say anything. He smiled.

"I guess," Fay said in a fragile voice that sounded nothing like what he had intended.

"You're becoming bad at hiding feelings," Kurogane said in a light voice, however Fay could tell it was strained to be so.

"It's been a while… Since I've needed to," Fay grinned. Kurogane looked at him some seconds before turning to the witch.

"You're ready?" Yuuko looked slightly sad this time. She had smiled when Sakura and Syaoran had left, but this time she didn't. When Kurogane nodded, Yuuko's mouth twitched, just a little, yet visible to the mage. Soon magic wrapped itself around Kurogane. Fay who was standing behind him, couldn't see his face. He couldn't move. Therefore he felt thankful for Kurogane's last movements before he left. He turned. His lips parted. Nothing.

The magic disappeared and Kurogane along with it. Fay felt tears well up in his eyes. When the last of the magic was gone and he found himself staring at nothing, the tears fell. He cried with no intentions to stop. He was frozen to the earth. Pain filling his lungs, heart and eyes. He cried until there were no more tears let to be shed. Fay didn't think he would be able to walk again. Time passed so slowly that he was sure it had been ages ago since Kurogane had left when the witch spoke up.

"It was hitsuzen. It was meant to be like this," Yuuko looked at Fay with stern eyes. Fay didn't respond. "However, one can change it. But then you have to realize your true wish," Fay blinked, released from his trance. "Do you know what your wish is?"

"That he is happy," Fay whispered. He looked down.

"That's not true. Your wish is different from what you believe," Yuuko looked at him. "If that was the truth. If your true wish is just for Kurogane to be happy, then why do think of those lonely nights to come? Why do you think of _your _pain? Your true wish is for yourself to be happy. Selfish? Yes, but _that_ is your true wish either you want for it or not. You've always pretended to care for everyone else more, therefore you haven't seen what you truly wanted. All this time all you have wanted is to be happy," Yuuko paused noticing Fay blue eyes staring at her in a mixture of awe and surprise. "And you're only happy with Kurogane-san aren't you?" Fay looked down before stuttering his answer.

"Yes."

"Then should I fulfill your wish?"

"Yes."

"Very well," Yuuko smiled.

"Won't you need to take payment for this," Fay looked up a small smile on his face.

"You have already paid to travel. For telling you your true wish I don't need compensation. It is nearing the end…," Yuuko looked up towards the sky a bird flying over their heads and seating itself on the rooftop of her house. "I wish you all the luck and happiness from now on," she smiled turning her attention towards Fay and suddenly magic folded itself around Fay before taking him to the final destination of his journey that had granted him so many things that he now would pursue yet again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own**

**Pairing: KuroxFay**

**Spoilers: Chapitre 119 and up**

Hollow

Fay leaned after the candy that was strewn across the table. He got one of those chocolates with black wrapping that he liked the most before getting hold of the remote. He quickly zapped through the channels without taking further notice of what was happening on the screen. After the flashes from the TV had given him a slight headache he turned it off and leaned back on his bed, the chocolate forgotten and abandoned on the floor. His hand trailed thoughtful around the edge of his eye patch his thoughts somewhere cold. When his hand slowly moved away from his face and landed on the bed his fingers barely touched his hair, which wouldn't have happened it if were some months ago. He had let it grow; to remind himself. He needed to be reminded because he had forgotten and because of that his smile had surfaced; those times it had been real. But now, whenever his hair brushed by in the same length as his shoulders he was reminded. He would remember that if he ever went back to open up, yet only for a few short times, it could lead to such pain that if he ever would feel it again, he would surely die. Of course death was not such a bad thing; a peaceful death. But if he were to die because of that pain, he would not have peace. He would not be able to dream of good things anymore.

But when he denied himself just that pleasure, he was nothing anymore. Hollow, his body void of feelings except for loneliness and fear. The hotel room never seemed so empty before and he wished that the hotel and been short of rooms and then he might not have to sleep alone. At least his dreams was better than reality.

He had awoken. The one he feared the most, and still he could not do anything; just as before. And when they would leave, this time four instead of five, it would be more painful. And if they landed in the place he feared they would then it would all be over. He would sink down on his knees, begging for it to be a dream and when he would look up he would know that his nightmare had become reality. And after all, it would be his fault. Everything that would happen would be because of him. Because he was a coward.

Someone knocked on the door. He didn't answer, if it was someone of importance he would walk in anyways. And so he did.

"You're sleeping," Kurogane said, his voice neither happy nor sad.

"No," Fay answered cold, long blond hair flowing down one shoulder.

"You shouldn't sleep like that, with your clothes on," Kurogane noticed just what he had said, or implied for that matter, but now that didn't matter. Fay's imaginary voice inside his head telling him that it meant that he wanted him to be naked, making him incredibly sad.

"Kurogane should go to sleep before we go," Fay closed his eyes, wishing for the ninja to leave. But he didn't and Fay wanted to smile. He wanted to smile so much, he had to empty his thoughts to avoid it.

"We are going now," Kurogane said and Fay opened his eye.

"Already?" he rose from the bed.

"Yes, I don't see any point in staying any longer."

"I thought we were going to rest."

"It's not like you rest anyway," Kurogane said; in his voice a faint hope. Every time few times he talked to Fay these days he had wanted to say something that would strike a nerve. Something that would change things. But that something never seemed to leave his mouth. He cursed himself for being a coward.

"Do you want to be here while I change or do you mind waiting outside?" Fay whispered. His voice had been filled with such coldness it made himself freeze. If he had said it some months ago, it would been followed by a smile and Kurogane would have been angry, he would have walked out of the room stamping, slamming the door shut. Now he looked at him for some seconds before telling him something in the lines of 'of course' before leaving the room, closing the door slowly. Fay cried.

Mokona peeked up at Fay with worried eyes, then at Kurogane before ending at Syaoran. Mokona wanted to say anything but it didn't. For the first time the lively white manju bun had lost hope.

Then they were off towards a new world and Fay sinking feeling in his gut got far worse when the magic disappeared around them and his vision was filled with white. It was snowing.


	15. Chapter 15

Sweet

Kurogane abruptly awoke from his deep sleep. He scratched his nose confused. Something had definitely awoken him, he stood up and scanned the room. No one was there. He arose from the bed, his naked feet against the wooden floor. He walked over to his pile of clothes to get changed and it was then that he saw it. A pink note was lying on top of his clothes and on the note a message. Kurogane picked it up to take a closer inspection.

_I have blue eyes._

Kurogane blinked. He read the message again. When it dawned on him that the only person that could be up to something this ridiculous in fact had blue eyes he threw the note away irritated and slightly worried. If Fay was doing some prank on him he sure was not in the mood for it, he was never in mood for it to be exact but the mage never deemed to notice anyway. 'Or he just ignores it,' Kurogane was about to take on his pants when a small heart shaped chocolate fell out from the bundle of clothes. He looked disgusted at it.

He didn't come long before finding another pink note and along with it another heart shaped chocolate.

_I have a tail._

Kurogane frowned. This was getting weird. He was sure Fay had blue eyes, he had found himself staring at them on many an occasion, but a tail? He walked towards the kitchen on the table another note.

_I purr._

Kurogane had a suspicion that the thing calling itself for 'I' had to be some sort of animal, but he quickly brushed it away, this was way to insane so early in the morning. He reached for his cereal. 'How many of those stupid notes are there?' And then his vision was covered in pink yet again as a note flew towards his face.

_I'm at your door._

He decided it was best to get this over and done with, and without further thinking and reasoning he went for the door. He opened it and on his doorstep he found a big box, on top if it a fifth pink note.

_A gift for my valentine!_

Before Kurogane mind got to take in the message a swift moment made him jump. Out from the box came a mop of blond hair with ears pointing out. Cat ears to be exact. Fay was standing in front of him grinning. He had a short skirt on completed with a long fury tail. On the end of the tail a huge red ribbon.

"Happy Valentine!" Fay jumped out of the box and right into the arms of the stunned ninja.

"What the hell do you think you wearing?!"

"I'm big kitty!" Fay grinned wider. "Doesn't Kuro-mi like it?" Kurogane grinned and wrapped his hands around the mage's waist. "Yaaay Kuro-pon likes my cat outfit!" Kurogane leaned in and kissed Fay, their lips hard against each other. "You taste like chocolate Kuro-tan…," Fay managed to say between their intense kisses. "I love sweets."

"Looks that way," Kurogane continued kissing the mage, his hands holding his head steadily.

"But I like Kuro-pon more…," Fay enjoyed each touch of their lips; the taste of sweet chocolate burned inside his mouth.


	16. Chapter 16

**Pairing: KuroxFay**

**Disclaimer: I do not own**

**Spoilers: 152 and up**

The place where you are

Fay watched him stand there, staring at nothing. His eyes was open, his arms firlmy placed across his chest. The sun glinted down from the clear sky and it seemed as though everything was in balance. Like the world was in a divine peace, just this day, just this brief moment. Everything, the earth, the sky, even the moving clouds was in harmony. Everything except the two of them. He could see it on his mouth, on the slight strain on his eyebrows. He could tell by the pace of his breath, that he was not at ease.

"Kuro-mi shouldn't pout," Fay grinned. "You are going home!" Kurogane's gaze returned from a place far away and looked at Fay. There was a moment of silence, not an awkward silence, a silence that is needed, and that says more than all the words in the world, however, Fay was not able to decipher those unspoken words. They remained a mystery, a tune yet to be played.

"I am," Kurogane's mouth moved slowly. Just less than one second slower than what was normal yet Fay could tell. The tension in the air around him, the tone of his voice, the strained look on his face, all those things, pained him greatly. Fay forced his smile brighter, smiling foolishly at the other man, his eyes closed to the sun.

"I guess this is goodbye then?" Fay smiled opening his eyes. He wanted to ask why he was not happy, but decided he wouldn't push things out of him that he did not want, things that would break him. Faster. "It's a nice day to say goodbye…" Kurogane didn't open his mouth. It remained closed and Fay was yet again frozen in time. And this time it hurt. The silence granted by the flow of time and all things that had happened since that day in the rain hit him like daggers. All he wanted was to leave, to kiss, to die, to love, and yet he couldn't.

**A/N: Another "goodbye" fic . This situations just inspires me to write so that's why stuff like this will pop up now and then. Sorry if you are becoming tired of them! This justs pops out when I sit down and want to write something angst;) Well, anyway, I hope you liked it! And please leave a review;)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own**

**Pairing: KuroxFai**

**Spoilers: Chapitre 120 and up**

To become empty

That day in the rain, the day the sun had drawn itself back, hidden behind walls of heavy clouds, Fai became, and would stay for a long time, empty. Like a shell containing nothing but what is necessary for a limited survival, a container for a sick soul striving to stay alive, struggling to heal and once again be what it once was.

He would long since had died if not for a certain person. His mind had reached for the relief of death while the long fingers of his soul had grabbed around what it saw as hope. And he had stayed.

Kurogane had been the only connection he had to the living world, but he was always tugged at by his mind because it would not be at ease. He would lie and lie so he himself would not be taken away by his own tormenting wish. And slowly, like droplets of water falling down from icicles on an early spring morning, his mind had been tempted by the soul and his wish had turned into hope and the hope again transformed into a new wish. And that wish he kept close to his heart because no one was to see it, because if he failed, he would die just of shame, because who knew if the one he loved would ever love him back?

And just that, was his biggest lie…

Kurogane had talked to him with his rough caring voice, kept him close, saved him from disappearing, everything one can wish from a person that represents to you all the good things life can offer. But still, despite all those things, Fai refused to let others see, what he kept right beside his beating heart.

"You don't need to look at me like that," Fai's voice was cold but weak, like it was tired from talking, singing an endless song of things he wanted to do but never did. Like he was an actor in a play he really liked but had grown tired of saying the same lines of, who at first had been so divine to him but now seemed like empty words of a dreamer that could not sleep.

"…," Kurogane looked away. If this world had a sun or not he did now know, but there were at least non this day to brighten the mood of the four of them that once had been so full of hope and joy. Suddenly the sky cracked open and let light snow flakes fall down. The frosted cotton dots swirled down slowly, laying itself out like a carpet of white on the castle walls and floors.

"Kurogane….," Fai's voice was not cold anymore but not warm either. Kurogane looked at him intently. Fai's voice didn't have that fragile tone or the weakness of a broken man and Kurogane knew something was not right. Or perhaps it was right but wrong for him.

"You don't have to pretend anymore. It's ok for you to hate me."

Kurogane didn't move. The shock of the questions quickly transformed into anger. How dared he say he was pretending when he was the one who had been the one to fool everybody?

"Shut up," Kurogane's words was harsh but the mage didn't seem to care. His face remained away from him and his hands was still and calm on top of the railing that was around the balcony they where standing on.

"And you don't need to pretend that your anger is because you care for me. If you do, that's a lie…," this time Fai's words lingered slightly in the air, tossed around with the wind and absorbed in the white snow it seemed to stay and not fade. Like an echo which repeats itself on a high mountain and then slowly creeping to hide in a deep cave. Hidden but not gone.

Again Kurogane felt anger rise in him, weird enough starting in the heart before spreading out across his body. How did he dare to tell him he was the one who had pretended to be someone else and on top of that lie about things he didn't have a clue about? He wanted to run over to the mage and hit him but he stayed back with his throbbing heart and unfulfilled promises.

"Don't call me a liar…," Kurogane leaned back towards the wall his eyes fixated at the mage's back as he tried to unclench his fists.

"You hate me. I can handle that. What I can't handle is that you lie and tell me you don't. It hurts," Fai's voice was that of something in grave pain. The ninja knew he was trying to hide it but the edges of his words was tainted with that tone of a person on the burst of crying. Like every muscle in his body, perfected by each well told lie, kept cool, relaxed and indifferent. But yet his heart had broken and had sent a wave of unimaginable pain through the other man's body and the ninja could see his slender fingers tightening around the now frosted railing.

Slowly, his head turned. The blond strands of hair carefully shifted and a blue eye come into the vision of the ninja. It seemed like time itself froze, like heaven had opened up and swallowed them both, like in the eye of a hurricane. Everything was still and Kurogane could swear he could hear the soft snow land on the stone floor.

"This is me and no one else," Fai turned around and looked him right in the eye. Kurogane felt scared. Like something he could not handle just had been thrown into his lap. Weird enough his fists unclenched but his eyes was still narrowed and his frown would not cease.

"I'm a liar, a fool and a murderer," the last word kept still in the mage's lips before it broke out and into the air. "It's time for you to realize you despise me, hate me…"

Kurogane could not keep his anger bottled up and he ran across the floor and seized Fai by his collar. A smile crept across the mage's lips, for once a true smile and yet it was as painful as the most evil grin of mockery.

"You can't fool me anymore," Fai's smile was so unfamiliar to the ninja that he did not know what to do. His hands tightened and his breath came uncontrolled and left puffs of smoke in the air and when they faded Fai's smile still lingered on his lips and the ninja was still lost. "Don't deceive yourself anymore, there is no reason for that. I know it, you know it," Fai looked away. "Why don't you end it here and make me happy?" Fai looked up with the last word and his eye sparkled in the glints of the snowflakes that fluttered by and down from a heaven which held no sun and only clouds that would not fade.

Kurogane pushed Fai over the balcony. The mage's hands loosened and released their grip around the railing. His head fell back but his eye was careful not to lose contact with the ninja's hard gaze and still, it sparkled like a million stars and his smile was the most beautiful thing Kurogane had ever seen. Slowly, the white snow fell on the mage's face, on his mouth, on his nose, on the eye patch, everything but his eye was marked by the tears of heaven but yet the blue within would not reveal the mysteries of his soul that he had kept hidden for so long.

Kurogane still held Fai's collar and slowly he leaned over the railing, and for the first time on that day a flash of fright ran across the face of the magician. His eye lost its peace and his face its calm and yet Kurogane kept leaning over the balcony until one hand was holding him back and one movement of his body would make them fall down and into the void of which the mage so eagerly wanted to became a part of.

"If dying will make you happy. If dying will make you smile. I'll go with you," Kurogane said, and his hand held tight around the collar of the mage and loose around the railing of the balcony.

"I… I don't want to die of you die too…," Fai stumbled in his words, and his voice was as fragile as the thinnest porcelain and yet Kurogane was not afraid to break him. Not if he himself would break in the process.

"And I don't want to live if you die," Kurogane fingers unclenched around the cold stone railing and he let them slither over its smooth surface and the magician's face remained panicked and his eye did not regain its sparkle, and that second that Kurogane was about to let go, Fai reached out. With cold, numb fingers he took hold of the ninja's hand that was clenched around his own collar. First softly and then stronger he held the ninja's hand, feeling it's warmth washing over to him, across his arm and into his chest.

"I was wrong," Fai smiled warmly.

"So was I," Kurogane pulled Fai back and into the balcony and as they kissed, the sun broke out from the clouds and sent its rays down at them, like a promise of all good things to come and as a sign that the important promises and wishes had been kept and fulfilled.

A/N: I'm not sure how this went Not a lot of action or dialog. Sorry if it was very boring -.-; But I really enjoyed writing it;) This is the first time I write Fai's name like this in a fic. I usually write Fay. I forgot almost all of the time so I had to go through it again and check;) I hope I didn't forget someplace I hope you enjoyed and please leave a review


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